Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Feeling Numb

     Well here it is been three months since I blogged. What have we been doing?!? I can't really remember all the details but we have had highs, lows, been on vacation, birthday parties you name it. Oh and Sweet and Sassy has a broken hand now. Through all this I have often sat and wanted to write but just have not. After a lot of thinking I may know now.
      I love reading everyone's blogs on how they are doing with D but for me to write a page is just to painful at times. I so wish our lives were normal...but what is normal? I forget. This time of year brings so many emotions that I almost feel numb, now days. All the highs and on her birthday reading off the PDM for nearly 4 hrs felt has if I was in bad dream and couldn't wake up. When she looked at me and said "Mom I am scared will I be okay?" Holding back the tears I say " Yes you will be fine." Not knowing what was going to happen to her that evening. Needless to say 22units of insulin in 4 hrs we got a reading of 523. Thank- you Jesus for keeping my little one safe tonight.

     May 17, 2010 was the start of our 21 days and 3 trips to the Dr to finally get some answers...we have D. The dreaded word I have come to learn so much about. Sometimes I just feel like the high and lows have no affect on me anymore its just a number and we know what to do. No more of the worries I had in the beginning. Did I count carbs right did I change ratio's right. Don't get me wrong I still worry everyday just that I feel numb to the numbers and that there is no right or wrong with diabetes. Everyday is different. The lack of sleep, counting carbs, weighing and measuring are just are normals now. Life before diabetes is just a blur and honestly I do not remember life before.

      Sweet and Sassy is becoming very good at learning how to care for herself, pod changes,weighing, measuring and carb counting.. I put a lot of responsibility on her because I can not be with her 24 hrs a day. So with our endo appt tomorrow at noon I am little worried to see her A1c because we have been all of the place with numbers the past three wks. I leave the blog tonight still feeling numb to all that diabetes has given to us over the last 2 yrs.